October 12, 2005
Top Ten Tommy Cooper….
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - “...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...”
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said,”No, the steaks are too high.”
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
5. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet.
“My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” said the vet, ”let’s have a look at him”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Becausehe’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”
6. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ”Can you give me a lift?”
I said ”Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’
7. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other ”Your round.”
The other one says ”So are you, you fat bastard!”
8. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
9. A man walked into the doctors, he said, ”I’ve hurt my arm in several places”
The doctor said, “Well don’t go there anymore”
10. Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Spo | October 12, 2005
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