To Have Caught Him Doin It….

August 19, 2005

Lance: Still got your Malibu?
Vincent: Aw, man. You know what some fucker did the other day?
Lance: What?
Vincent: Fucking keyed it.
Lance: Oh, man, that’s fucked up.
Vincent: Tell me about it. I had it in storage for three years, it was out for five days and some dickless piece of shit fucked with it.

Lance: They should be fucking killed. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Vincent: Boy, I wish I could’ve caught him doing it. I’d have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. It’d been worth him doing it just so I could’ve caught him doing it.
Lance: What a fucker!
Vincent: What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.
Lance: You don’t do it.
Vincent: It’s just against the rules.

We went for lunch at Citos and I parked in my usual fashion - that is to drive straight into a zone without the need for any parallel or reverse malarkey - I have gotten this far in life without being able to park so I may aswell continue - life is simpler this way.

Upon returning the alarm key failed to flash - the car was already open - seems as though I’d left it unlocked - my fault for always walking away and pretending to be a gun fighter - sometimes you miss when you think you shot the guy - you’re not that good, punkass - then Robin noticed the sports bag was gone - fuck it - I was going to get a haircut and go the gym after work - brought the bag - normally I’d go home first pick up my gear and then go - but I look like a scarecrow and it all worked out so well time wise - feckity feck feckaloona-feckass feckstein - congratulations you fuckwit.

First off reaction is that this is the karmatic punishment for being a doofus and thinking you are Jesse James with a key alarm (sometimes I do the gun shot sound effects - I am Jacks childish ambition) - leave your car unlocked, this is what happens fucko - gotta buy new shirt, shorts, socks, shoes - ah..... the I-pod - cuntbubble - in the end that burns due to the cost but not the love - the music is important and that sits safe on the laptop - these things can be grudgingly replaced - congratulations on the score - you didn’t steal it, I let you take it......

.....but then later on I can’t find my apartment keys - fucktabulous - fine, I’ll sit around for the replacements and there is no link to where I live meaning a change of locks - but those keys had my god damned real-scorpion-in-amber-Jurassic-park-style-key-ring-attached - I found it in some freaky Hanoi street stall - it scares children - its a Mean Motor Schooler Scorpion Frozen In Time God Damn It.....

......and then I realise my dark blue loafing T-shirt was in there - cost next to nothing - seems millions of years old - made by no one famous - but my most treasured shirt by far - in that I am Dark Blue Golden - now gone forever - the places that shirt and I have been....

......and then to stick the knife in - I look for my baseball cap to pen in the scarecrow effect - my baseball cap with the picture of a bull dog on the front - like Spike out of Tom and Jerry - except a more bad ass version - a Veitnam veteran Spike perhaps - a Spike who will break a few eggs to make an omelette - and its one of the few baseball caps I’ve encountered in life that actually fits on my stupidly shaped melon head - unlike the average cap it doesn’t make me look like king of the super doofus people - it was in the bag - now to be seen adorning some light fingered Indonesian opportunistic fiend.... oh how now the blood boils.....

....Boy, I wish I could’ve caught him doing it....

....I’d have given anything to catch that asshole doing it....

It’d been worth him doing it just so I could’ve caught him doing it

I swear if I see some skanky assed Indonesian motherfucker wearing a Liverpool shirt, Bulldog baseball cap, black trainers, carrying an airwalk bag while listening to a bashed up I-pod playing Manu Chau’s ‘the bongo tune’