September 22, 2005
The All-Singing, All-Dancing Crap Of The World…
First thing in the morning It becomes a habit that I flick on BBC World and check the headlines and then jump in the shower, get myself together, grab brekkie, check email and then make a move to the office.
An important priority in life is the reduction of the amount of time between having to get up in the morning and then leave the abode for work, as this allows for more sleep
And I like sleep - it is one of my favorite big time pass times
So often I miss the in depth news - unless big bombs have gone off – I know I should pay more attention to world affairs but I read the sports, film, music and culture and let the world get on with itself for everything else - not that I never pay attention at all - just that I don’t see it as the focus of my day - stories never seem to change - In general here’s how I see things in no particular order:
Iraq – that’s a daily fuck up of megalomaniacal proportions and the world says “told you so” to no avail – but you’ve started, so finish – if you can – which you can’t – but you won’t admit it – so more of the same then – which is guerilla warfare and a logic you don’t understand – one that is more or less undetectable fighting to kick out any form of change against a bunch of people who really don’t want to be there and only turned up for the money.
Katrina – Bush, the state governor & mayor all caught with pants down looking at each other going “eh? What? Well…flooded?....erm yes Buses!… We’ll get back to you” and then some guy who ran a horse show gets the job and makes a huge mess of sorting things out while folk drown, go crazy and lose livelihoods – all of whom really wouldn’t have bloody suffered so much if someone in a big white house had acted with common sense a hell of a lot sooner – now they have to clear it all up while saying sorry, yet trying not to take any responsibility – all the while we make donations that probably get held up by the same bureaucracy that stopped the buses getting there in the first place.
Bush nearly killed himself eating a pretzel – he should not be running a country.
Oil – that it’s more expensive – yes, well there’s not much left – stop whining – global warming = solar power – see? Every acid rain cloud has skin cancer giving horizon.
North Korea – well they aren’t exactly campaigning for the peace, love and acceptance award and may very well be up to nuclear no-good behind that wicker curtain of theirs – but I’m sure someone’s watching over it all – someone that will stop them pressing the button in a pique of misguided rage – right? Oh…that’s what all the talking is about....
Well, as I’ve said before – the way to get what you want in Asia is to let who ever you are talking to think they are getting their way when really it’s you who’s winning – I doubt the Americans understand this however - after all America is the nation that has escalators leading to the entrances of fitness centres…..
I can’t stop thinking about Kim Jong-IL singing “I so rone-ree! just so rone-ree!” from Team America – this guy just needs someone to take him for a beer or two and show him a good time – as J-mo would say, ”go to the rippers” - Kim’s lonely, mad and angry and unfortunately seems to be in charge of a country…… In the end - Sniper anyone?
Mugabe in Zimbabwe – again, Sniper anyone? Oh – he doesn’t have any oil…
Japan – suave grey haired little fella pulls a fast one over the postal service allowing more reforms – great – new and interesting sushi and yet more wacky cartoon porn on the way perhaps.
Germany – no one knows who’s in charge? Well I’m sure they’ll figure it out in the end and they don’t need my input – German efficiency comes a clutter – lo and behold - just as long as the Nazi’s don’t win again I’m happy for anyone to get the job – see you for the football next year.
Israel and Palestine – seems since the dawn of my time they have been arguing about this patch of land and throwing tear gas and suicide bombers about – now it looks like calming down with the Isreali pull out – will it last? Probably not – can you talk any sense to them after so much hatred has passed through the morbid mists of time? Probably not – convince them that blowing people up and shooting folk just won’t get the job done? Probably not - Solution? No! not a sniper! Mariokart! Winner takes all! Ghost Valley 1! Donkey Kong Vs Bowser! Start practicing! Fanatatical about Allah? Get fantatical about the greatest video game of all time and solve it that way!
Bloody Bird Flu – aha – this one is slightly closer to home – down the road in fact - as the source of the commotion, the local zoo in Jakarta, has been sealed off and 4 people are dead with 9 in treatment and a few more rumored. I tell you this – if there is one country you don’t want in charge of containing the spread of a nasty killer virus – it’s Indo-bloody-nesia – nobody has a couple of clues to rub together in this country.
Vietnam I wasn’t worried – those guys have got it locked – sure, a few folk died – but if it broke, I’d bet on the Viets to get it sorted out pretty quick – they get the job done in Vietnam - Indonesia however (to quote Hanh) “I wouldn’t trust as far as I can throw it away from me” – really, these people will fuck this up big time should someone cough in the wrong direction.
The problem in Asia (notably China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Indo) is they really love their Chicken (KFC is huge and McDonalds doesn’t know what a quarter-pounder is out here – they are all about the nuggets) – unfortunately they don’t know how to look after their poultry in a clean, sanitary, “cook it properly doofus and don’t feed them any old crap you find lying around” type of way – and everyman and his dog (if the dog hasn’t been eaten yet) can look after a few chickens to help provide for the family (eggs also very popular) – so they are everywhere – it’s not like you can contain them with a bit of fencing and start chopping off heads.
And the folk in the know –WHO? - pesky scientists, that’s who – when they aren’t mastering the art of buttered bread landing butter side up and throwing cats out of windows to see if they land on all fours – these guys are saying that this is going to turn into a nasty bastard of a cold anytime soon and anyone young, old and poor hasn’t got a cat in hells chance (although where that phrase comes from I don’t know – why a cat? Why not.. I don’t know… a donkey? a cat has got more chance in hell than a donkey, right?)
Anyways – there are 212million people in Indonesia – there are probably 12-14million people in Jakarta – the Gov says they have only 10,000 antidotes – there are probably 10,000 people or more working for the government (hmmm…) - meanwhile the other governments around the world are saying “so how much is this vaccine going to cost again? Ouch! that much!? Well….” – remember the scene in Fight Club when the narrator informs us that if the cost of a recall for unsafe vehicles is more than the probable cost of the lawsuit, then they don’t do one?
Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall?
Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don’t do one.
Buiness woman: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn’t believe.
Buiness woman: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.
Don’t fool yourself that this attitude doesn’t apply to Bird Flu – after all when the dust settles on the Kartina crisis you can bet someone looked at improving the levee’s there and came up with the same kind of thinking…. (% chance of it happening x % cost of likely death and destruction = greater than cost of levee’s and preventaive reconstruction for a city full of non republican voters?)
So that’s the news…and that’s the scenario coming in on a general every day basis right? Did I miss anything? Terrorism perhaps – well there’ll always be someone, somewhere, pissed off about something and they can all blow shit up if they look into it hard enough – just hope you aren’t around when they decide to do so (Jakarta seems to be on a permanant alert)
I look at all of the above and wish that Bill Hicks was still with us to comment on it – although if you listen to any of his diatribes against Bush Mark-1 they pretty much apply to the second cloned version to roll off the numb-nut production line.
Still, I miss Bill Hicks.
As he wisely once said “can you calm down on your rutting just for a couple of seconds until we’ve figured out this whole food air deal?” – he’s right - there’s too many of us fucking each other far too often - physically and metaphorically - and while everyone is chasing membership to the mile high club no one is flying the plane.
The above summarises are all pub logic rhetoric that really need more time and back up fact checking I guess (all linked via headers), but they pretty much summarise how I feel on matters and I don’t see how I can influence or change anything – I have more selfish closer to home issues to think about:
– like selling and buying tea - moving back to the UK - girl in Vietnam in the arranged marriage baby scenario - girl in Indonesia where things are getting too serious late in the day - girl in Uk that I’m going to have to have to be straight up about the way I feel - mad girl I have not seen since 18 but would like to again - wanting to go parachuting - the duck billed platypus - Halo 2 on nightmare level - getting round to reading all those books - New Years Eve - UK tax office trying to rob me - buying a house - buying a car - weddings - waiting for the Wire season 3 - gasping at how shit 24 season 4 is - enjoying my Lazy-boy chair - hoping Kylie Minogue is alright - finding new and interesting places to get drunk - finding new and interesting ways to get drunk - finding new and interesting ways to recover from hangovers - fighting off the effects of alcohol by paying for it running a lot and therefore hovering in the middle of not quite healthy yet not quite dying - wondering when Liverpool will win the premier league again - were did the dinosaurs go? - Monkeys - the mystery of women - the mystery of women and too many bags & shoes - never getting bored of Vanilla ice cream - especially when combined with women - regretting that England are probably not going to win the world cup and it’s too late to do anything about it - getting by with no ability at math what so ever - listening to the remixed Bloc Party & the desirable Feist & the acoustic Foo Fighters & the new Eels & the old Shins - a lot - new Zombie films - wanting to be Ron Burgundy - new things to put on pizza - being a bad driver and avoiding ever having to park properly - mastering the force when wasted - finding and drinking secret wine - developing my whisky ability - dance offs - writing till I run out of page - taking photo’s of the dawn till I run out of film - damn fine restaurants - remembering to talk to my family back home once in a while and most of all blogging.
You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world - The Narrator - Fight Club
Yes I know I’ve got to try and be more than the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world and those concerns listed are somewhat superficial in places, but as I’ve explained – it seems like no one is flying the plane – you get so disillusioned by it all – dangerously apathetic – there’s people I respect and admire out there making the noise needed to fight what they can – but I won’t be marching with them as my brother did round London - in the end I focus on what you can influence rather than wasting time on battles that can’t even be fought, never mind won.
Show me the sign to the doorway that says I can make a difference to any of those situations mentioned and I’ll follow it if I believe in where it’s going to lead me – but I don’t think the sign will say polling station – I think it will say “Moon Emigration – this way” so until then I won’t be watching the news so much, I’ll be getting on with caring about the people closest to me, making good use of the time I have, trying to enjoy myself while on the planet and doing unto others as I’d want them to do to me - trying not to be an asshole - lord knows the world has enough of them.
Spo | September 22, 2005
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