Star Wars in a Bag….

August 5, 2005

Ahh the happy memories as the writing cascades towards the top of the screen.... Invasion of small ship carrying the lovely Leia, run you Droidy fools! Don’t fire, no life forms aboard! Vader and his foul stench! “U are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor! Take her away!!” Jawas! Little trampy midget dellboys! buy these droids Owen, thery’re cool “Uteeni!” “But dad I wanted to go to the Toshi station and pick up some power converters!” Come back here punk farm-boy Skywalker shouts after lil Artoo does a runner, Ben Kenobi booyakkas the sand-folk! “Help me Obi wan your our only hope dagnamnit!” Uncle Owen! Aunt Peru! Shit! They’re skeletons! “U must come with me to Alderan if you are to learn the ways of the force!” Cantina band & the chopped off hand! Check dat tune! Solo mixing it up tells Greedo can kiss it! Docking bay 94 kicks off! leg it! Alderan got knocked the fuck out! wait up! that’s no moon mother fucker! Chewie! lock in the artillery power how many times do you need to be told! Tractored bugger! “the princess?! she’s here?!” rich eh? Hairy Prisoner transport Shoot em! shoot em all! Boring conversation anyway! into the compactor after you’re a little short for a Storm-Trooper! 3PeeO sort out that garbage 363427! “Get this walking carpet out of my way!” Obi sorts the tractor beam and has mystical comeuppance at Darth’s hands, ok though as he can speak from beyond the normal world! Swing that chasm, hold on to that princess & Get on that ship and fuck those Tie fighters the fuck up! Don’t get cocky kid! “Whaddya think a princess and a guy like me?” “NO!” (easy Luke she’s your sister mate) Destroy a Death Star? I’m up 4 it! “Moneys all you care about if that’s all you want then that’s all you will receive!” Hans’s outta there, thinks its suicide! Luke’s Red 5 leading the way! “They came from behind!” “Gold leader to red 5 get set up for your attack run! Arggghhhh!” Hey! Smug General! we have analysed their attack and there is a chance...”evacuate!?! in out moment of triumph! I think you overestimate their chances!” Luke, Wedge and wimpy tache boy Biggs go for the big money shot as Darth scoots around causing all manner of mayhem! Just like Beggars Canyon! “Wedge get outta there you can’t do any more good!” Wedge blags it while tache boy gets it! Luke use the bloody force son! Luke you’ve turned off your targeting computers are you fucking mad?! 1 minute to rebel base destruction! “The force is strong with this one must be related or somat!” “I’ve lost Artoo!” “I have you now!” “VAT!” “Yahoo! lets blow this thing kid and go home!” Luke shoots his load Sparkle! Sparkle! Boom shakalak! Princess looks ravishing Han gives her a cheeky wink! he’s in there! Medals! Medals! Medals! Medals! …none for Chewie though. …End.