June 17, 2005
Stamping on my soul….
I’m not sure I’m ever going to get over this – come through this – it’s too hard – every time I approach the subject there is still the belief that it’s going to turn out ok but every time it’s the same crushing disappointment over and over again – stamping on my soul and screaming failure two inches from my face.
It doesn’t matter which way I turn or what I do to avoid the same thing happening over and over again – I’m doomed – there must be a way past this – others have overcome it – but it’s been like this for months – I can’t remember a time when there was anything else apart from this feeling.
Sometimes there is a breakthrough – a feeling that new ground has been reached and an end is in sight – like we have an understanding after all this fighting – but just when you think you’re there another bolt from the blue knocks you sideways from a place you hadn’t considered and you are back to square one – my attempts to find a new approach rejected.
One day things will be okay again and I will get past this and I’ll believe that life can be more than a series of crushing disappointments.
It doesn’t matter which way I turn or what I do to avoid the same thing happening over and over again – I’m doomed – there must be a way past this – others have overcome it – but it’s been like this for months – I can’t remember a time when there was anything else apart from this feeling.
Sometimes there is a breakthrough – a feeling that new ground has been reached and an end is in sight – like we have an understanding after all this fighting – but just when you think you’re there another bolt from the blue knocks you sideways from a place you hadn’t considered and you are back to square one – my attempts to find a new approach rejected.
One day things will be okay again and I will get past this and I’ll believe that life can be more than a series of crushing disappointments.
Yes one day I will get past the end of level alien invasion whilst trying to escape the initial spaceship in “repel covenant borders” on nightmare level of Halo 2…..
Spo | June 17, 2005
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