January 16, 2006
Ship for Sale….
Took the day off to take delivery of my shipped goods from Jakarta – all arrived around 11am and now one of the two real items of significance I own in this world – a lazy boy chair – sits proudly in my parents front room – everything else; Tri and Bach’s Buddha statue, pictures, DVD’s, books, few lamps, game consoles, clothes – can all sit in the boxes they were packed in until Spring – when the other item of significance that I own, my flat, will be completed.
So until then, the transitional phase continues – once moved in come May, a final line will be drawn under my far eastern tea tasting adventures and, I guess, the more independent life once led – looking around at what was delivered today – the things I have accumulated in life so far that well and truly belong to me – all I really own is a leather bound chair of comfort bought off the back of the unlikely winnings from Liverpool FC defying all the odds and becoming champions of Europe – everything else is largely superfluous – kind of how it has always been so that I could pitch up and leave where ever I ended up with little or no hassles what so ever - this job or another – in the end physically all I have is the chair to sit back and reflect.
Financially I paid off everything ever borrowed – now what I came away with is sown up in bricks and mortar – emotionally I left Africa and Asia without relationship commitments in the end – although reflection leads me to wonder on that, with regards to Hanh in Vietnam – yeah, that might be different if I could have a do-over – one day hit 88mph in the right place at the right time and go Back to the Future landing in Hoan Kiem Lake, centre of Hanoi and realise life has accidentally hit the rewind and I get another shot at the title.
In the end choices were made at the time and fate decreed the rest – hindsight’s a bitch as is often said – if I fall into the same flow of water later on, I’ll know which way to swim from previous experience. Hanh mailed me yesterday – her job with my company is going really well, she’s happy with life and about to go on maternity leave – baby comes in Feb - she talks of meeting again one day, to drink raise a toast and look back on it all - life indeed moves pretty fast.
Yuni mailed me too – she took her old job back running the bar – her daughter is flying through school with top marks – says she misses me and wants to come visit one day – would be good to show her the sights and sounds of UK - but I wonder if it’s good that we stay in touch – talking of seeing each other again all the time – can’t quite see it really – sure one day – but the phone calls, texts emails, promises of plans – they start to die out as we both quietly accept our 3 months together were exactly that.
Lucky that both women will remain in my life where ever I end up – good terms and good times making up most of the memories.
I think that my travels certainly changed me with each journey – I found old photo’s from Malawi when I was 22 the other day – how different I was before and after – then I found the pictures of the leaving party before Vietnam – those two years changed me more than anything else I’ve ever been through (ha! many men went to Nam and came back a different people and I’m no different!) – that was two tours of tea trading frontline duty my friends – learned a lot about life and what I wanted from it.
The round the world tour made me realise this spinning-spherical-mud-ball called Earth can be a very small place and that essentially the same things bind many - a love of family, friends and food and drink and a constant need to provide.
The last year in Jakarta? Well when I sat to think about it all it seemed like a bit of a stop gap – I don’t know how much I changed – a lot took place there – the relationship with Yuni, the car crash, the whisky over-indulgence, the earthquake, the late, late nights in MYbar and BATS, the tea auctions and dealing with a new city lingo and culture – but I was pretty much the same person from beginning to end.
Well actually, apart from figuring out how I felt about women from the past and present, I feel like I went backwards in a way – the vitality and drive from Vietnam dissipated into lackadaisical apathy – I got used to taking it easy with no responsibility or direction – wallowing in indulgence of women, drink and debauchery – and a shit load of DVD’s.
Compared to Hanoi, if Jakarta had any of the charm and the job any of the challenge, then things would have been different. When I left I was thinking I was coming back to the perfect set up and job, but that hasn’t quite turned out that way so far – time away paints memories in a golden light rather than reality – but I’m still settling I guess.
I suppose going backwards for a bit has shown me what not to do to get things back on track and heading towards the grand design of the job in the Malawi tea office in a few years – with that the plans of a beach bar with boats and hammocks on the side – I gotta remember what got me up every morning whilst in Hanoi and take that to the job in UK to get there.
Having said that, the above shows I’m still thinking I’m able to drop everything and leave when the opportunity presents itself – but wanting to get back into a relationship, owning your own place, the commitments that come with, all the things you fill it with and your name on all these various important legal documents and bills, pay cheque disappearing on arrival…. I’m feeling that this represents not so much dropping anchor as selling the god damned ship.
Spo | January 16, 2006
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