Pesky Scientists….

July 26, 2005

Shit! that wasn’t supposed to happen!

We went by the Duty free alcoholic mecca whse, showed our passports and picked up a fine collection of mind embellishing liquors - we then went to see our DVD girls at Ratu Plaza and were greeted by ever ready charming smiles, cleavage and an influx of dollar a disc quality new arrivals - West Wing season 5, The Shield Season 3, Lost, CSI New York and 24 season 4 to name but a few - Indonesian TV, bar the exceptions of ESPN, HBO and BBC, could be described as somewhat lacking if I was being kind - but I’m not - if I’m being honest I’d say it sucks giant hairy bobbing man ass - therefore you have to make your own schedules.

Back at my Robins house the night eased into a pleasant haze of barbecues, wine & whisky, shooting the humidity with conversation, good company and the movie Crash - an LA set short cuts style bubbling racial tension tale following the likes of Matt Dillon, Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock & Thandie Newton - pretty cool film - if a little heavy on the coincidences of characters coming across one another to move the story along - general gist is that folk should try to take a step back before succumbing to attitudes fuelled by racial stereotypes - and also those that feel persecuted in this manner should stop dropping back into the stereotype whenever they feel the world is against them - it doesn’t get too preachy though and most of the characters are believable. Solid cut above movie making.

But Movies don’t always have to be that way for me - here’s one that caught my eye at the DVD place - Glass Trap - Giant Ants attack (post to come below this) - I’m a sucker for monster movies - I loved the Deep Blue sea and FrankenFish for example - it’s always those pesky scientists - Goodness Gracious how they love to meddle with nature and then take it too far in the name of doing the greater good - I always imagine them informing the generals at HQ that yet another experiment with a dangerous creature has gone awry - take the deep blue sea for example:

Sir = R Lee Emery - the sarge from Full Metal Jacket

Dooley = Floyd - Brad Pitts character from True Romance who sits on a couch smoking bowls all film.

Hi Sir

Dooley, I hear that you might have something to tell me - good news by any chance?

(Dooley looks at the floor and shuffles his shoes) erm not exactly sir…

Aha - what a surprise - it’s always the same with you isn’t it Dooley? - one thing after another - Rollerblading Giraffes on amphetamines to make them out run poachers, Hippo’s needing false teeth reacting badly to the laughing gas, 100 Monkeys and type writers and too much whisky.....what is it now?

Well sir… you know that 10 million dollars you gave me?

Yeah - when I asked what it was for you said ”it’s a surprise” laughed and ran away - that was 7 months ago - do I now have to prepare myself to be surprised in a ”hey, it’s all my family here to celebrate my 50th birthday” kinda way, or in a ”shit you just made a crocodile with two heads and it ate the chief of police” kinda way?

Erm.... the latter sir.....

SHIT! God damn it Dooley! what’ve you gone and done now?!

Sharks sir....

Oh Sweet Jesus Mary Mother of God!!!!

Erm.... secret underwater base in the middle of the pacific…

Dooley, this is sounding like I am gonna have to rip you a new one.

What the fuck was it now? buttered bread landing butter side up?

Alzheimer’s...

Alzheimer’s! for fucks sake Dooley! Sharks don’t get Alzheimer’s!

I know sir - but we thought if we made the sharks brains big enough, we could give them Alzheimer’s and then cure it…

So what in Gods name happened?!

They got really clever, started swimming backwards really fucking fast, teaming up on people, doing detective work and grew a shit load more teeth....

Jesus Mary St Joseph Dooley! - anything else!?

They can open doors

What! are you shitting me here son?

No! they really can...it’s so cool!

Dooley, I’m going to get my nuts fucked on this one and if that happens, guess what you’ll be going swimming with, you sorry sack of shit…

I’m sorry sir - we had the best of intentions - we just wanted to cure Alzheimer’s sir.

Dooley, why oh why won’t you stick to lab rats like everybody else??!

I know, I know.... I just want to have a little excitement around while I’m pushing the boundaries of science....

Pushing the boundaries of science!....I’m going to push my foot up your god damned ass if you don’t sort this out son.

No, no, no - don’t worry the sharks blew up - LL Cool J killed them - and all the evidence sank to the bottom of the ocean.

Is LL Cool J in the loop on this? he better be shutting the fuck up about it all - I don’t want to turn on MTV and have that motherfucker singing about crazy assed killer super sharks and him busting a cap in their ass - you hear me son!?

No, no, It’s ok - LL is golden - he’s not about the violence - he just knocked those motherfuckers out like his momma told him to.

Ok then Dooley - but I want this shit storm locked down - no leaks you here me? I got enough problems with snake head fish down in Louisiana, some radioactive goo and then a bunch of swamp dwellers without heads.

Was that Jameson’s work sir?

Yeah....little fucknut was trying to cure cancer again......