No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No!!!!

September 8, 2005

I choked on my cornflakes as I saw the headline - Northern Ireland 1 England 0

Reports said that the first thing David Beckham asked for upon arrival at the team hotel before the game was a manicure - yes - a MANICURE! - he’s the England captain for Christ sake! - surely if there is one word in the English language that should not feature the word ”man” it should be “manicure".

It is even more disgraceful that he was our best player as we went down 1-0 to relative minnows across the pond - a bunch of overpaid, under educated, passionless super stars beaten by a team of journeymen from the UK lower divisions.

It is true that our attitude in UK is one of belief in the divine right to win everything even though our last taste of victory was 1966 and we always fail when it comes to the big occasion - there is always something or someone to blame, but if you look at the last 15 years we just have not been any way near good enough.

However, now we have a team of young players all at the top of their game domestically and if ever there was a time to come together it would be the 2006 World Cup. It’s all on the page looking good - times right - conditions are right - and as long as our best 11 walks out and plays were God intended then we are in with more than a shout.

BUT then those same players lose 1-0 to Northern Feckin Ireland! God Damn It!

Our plans are all set - gangs all going - we’ll pay what we have to and travel to see the games in Germany - win it or not - as long as we give it our all and get as far as we can - the experience will be legendary!

BUT then those same players lose 1-0 to Northern Feckin Ireland!

Now it’s two home games to go - have to win both - then we qualify for the big time

BUT then those same players lose 1-0 to Northern Feckin Ireland!

While the country and the media blames the tactically clueless, passionless yet thrifty with the ladies, Swedish manager Eriksson, I can’t help but look towards the actual players and their distinct apathetic appearance - these guys don’t seem to know what it feels like to really care about the game and lose it all - what ever they say, they sit on mega contracts and sponsorship deals and in the end it doesn’t hurt to lose like it should - like it does for us - like it used to when they were trying to make it at 16 perhaps - before the cash and the flash.

Problems? where to start? Fucking with the formations is not working - these players do well to put their boots on - anything more complicated than our strength of 4-4-2 confuses the hell out of them - Rooney is a retard who happens to know how to kick a ball - the only way to make him behave is to drop him when he acts like a brat - Rio is the most over-rated player to ever put pen to paper on a 100k a week deal - this is is a guy calling off-side when the rest of his defenders are 3 yards behind him - he is not good enough, Carragher, Terry and Sol are far better - it’s not just that Beckhams last passionate quality performance was vs Greece back in 2001, he has too much say and should be dropped for SWP on the right - in the end Beckhams effective position in the centre playing 4-5-1 means you can’t play a formation to suit Rooney’s most effectve position playing behind Owen - so Rooney, as arrogant and retarded as he can be, and 4-4-2, should win.

Also it’s not just that Lampard isn’t the same player for England as he is for Chelsea, he’s not even the same gender - Gerrad is either believeing his own hype and thinking he doesn’t have to do the work anymore or being counteracted by Lampard who is a similar player - that or the fact that these two players respective achievements are being overlooked by giving Beckham such a strong role - Owen hasn’t played first team football on a regular basis for a full season, he’s class but on a limited level and he’s not got his game yet - instead, why wasn’t Defoe used as he should of been? and who is Owen hargreaves sleeping with to get anywhere near the squad!?! where is the upcoming talent Carrick?

They should’ve been mortified to lose 1-0 in such an important game to a team ranked more than 100 places below them in the world - instead they were probably checking their bank balance and their reflection.

The country has turned to the cricket for their passion - if the football players want them to come back and believe in them - then they better find theirs

Spo | September 8, 2005