April 4, 2006
Incoming! Take cover!……
Man oh man oh man oh man - feeling so ruined and broken - did well to get to the end of yesterday afternoon and then went out for dinner with a long lost good friend of mine - I was paying, she was driving, I was listening, she was interrogating - so I finished all the wine and tried to bluff but kinda got lost for words as my approach to love, life and the future was dissected over the course of the meal - I have answers to such questions on a good day - not on a day of recovery from the wknd just past - wrong day to try and see what makes me tick when the all I got is the weekends whisky coursing through my veins.
One side of us there was one of those beautiful couples that have nothing to say to each other - are you a natural blonde? - is that a good car or.... is it like a car that is kinda good? - other side sat two girl friends who where a bit too quiet and where a bit too close to us, so I end up feeling like I'm on trial in the eyes of all woman kind - they listened in knowing I was in trouble.
"...So what kind of woman do I want to meet? What am I doing about it? Why hasn't it happened so far? What is it about the relationships with the women friends closest to you that teaches you about what you do and don't want from an actual relationship? Why didn't you take things further with the women you've been involved with in the past? If certain situations were your fault and you recognise that now, why did you not recognise it then? Is it that you are chasing after impossible situations as you know that way you'll never actually have to face up to being in a relationship and can wallow in the misfortune you purposefully create? Why do you think you have to be the one to try and impress and say all the right things? Can't it be the other way around? Who needs lines when both people being themselves is better anyway? Why does the flat, car, money and physical appearance have to come before getting to your love life? Won't there always be another 6 months until my life is in order?...."
I'm not kidding - and that's just what I can remember - coming in quick fire fashion as I sink beneath the red waves of some fine South African number and just try and get a word in edgeways every so often.
She may have had her moments of clarity along with madness in equal degree - and It's not that I disagree with all of what was levelled or don't have answers given a moment to consider.
One side of us there was one of those beautiful couples that have nothing to say to each other - are you a natural blonde? - is that a good car or.... is it like a car that is kinda good? - other side sat two girl friends who where a bit too quiet and where a bit too close to us, so I end up feeling like I'm on trial in the eyes of all woman kind - they listened in knowing I was in trouble.
"...So what kind of woman do I want to meet? What am I doing about it? Why hasn't it happened so far? What is it about the relationships with the women friends closest to you that teaches you about what you do and don't want from an actual relationship? Why didn't you take things further with the women you've been involved with in the past? If certain situations were your fault and you recognise that now, why did you not recognise it then? Is it that you are chasing after impossible situations as you know that way you'll never actually have to face up to being in a relationship and can wallow in the misfortune you purposefully create? Why do you think you have to be the one to try and impress and say all the right things? Can't it be the other way around? Who needs lines when both people being themselves is better anyway? Why does the flat, car, money and physical appearance have to come before getting to your love life? Won't there always be another 6 months until my life is in order?...."
I'm not kidding - and that's just what I can remember - coming in quick fire fashion as I sink beneath the red waves of some fine South African number and just try and get a word in edgeways every so often.
She may have had her moments of clarity along with madness in equal degree - and It's not that I disagree with all of what was levelled or don't have answers given a moment to consider.
It's just that I really would of rather been tucked up in bed than under the spotlight....
...Gods honest is that I think that being out of shape, living with your parents, no car, needing to save what ever money I can towards the flat that I manage not to waste on drinking and not knowing where to start when it comes to an opening gambit kind of puts such designs on hold for 6 months until I get some of the aforementioned sorted out.
"you always seem to be recovering from a hangover of some variety....." she said...
Spo | April 4, 2006
There are no comments yet for Incoming! Take cover!……
Comment on Incoming! Take cover!……