Honey Trap..

December 20, 2005

She was a little wasted due to after work vino – it was proper parky cold out and she needed telephonic company for the train ride home…

“you just talk for a bit, the other people are staring at me”

“is that why you are whispering”

“yes”

“Ok – not a problem - I can easily get a gibber on”

“why are you whispering?”

“I don’t know – I’m alone in bed – I think whispering is just kind of like yawning – incorrigible amongst others”

A vast array of subjects were discussed over the next 40 mins or so - notably that there is some sort of legal druggy plant that is being eaten in stews and drunk in teas out in Thailand and to hilariously quote the lonely planet “turns travelers into wandering zombies clawing at their own hallucinations for up to three days - I was not allowed to touch any of that.

This led to what would happen if either of us were zombies and the other had a 28 days later kind of situation going on – bitten - going to turn soon - she would of shot me in the head! – I was shocked! - I’d of tied her up in the shed and hoped she sort herself out – she said she didn’t want to see me like that – but I wanted to be a zombie, I’d ride the wave, see out the storm – I’d be like Ed in Shaun of the Dead – I’d have basic recognition of those in my life I really cared about and I wouldn’t bite them – I was sure of that:

“DO NOT stove my head in at the first sign of being bitten! – only if I am really well and truly a right nasty biter and there is no alternative – otherwise put me in the shed on a chain – I’ll be a different zombie I promise - you would just have to feed me people you don’t like on a regular basis – even zombies won’t bite the hand that feeds them”

“I think zombies pretty much bite anything – sorry I don’t trust zombies”

“I won’t be a complete zombie – I’ll still be me – a little”

“Ok but first sign that you are thinking about it, a peck, a nibble, even a sniff – and you are history buster”

And then there was the hostage rescue dilemma – somewhere like Colombia or the Middles East - she said she’d raise cash for the ransom…

“start a business, get clever minds together and find a niche market”

“I don’t think there’ll be time for that - they’ll want a quick return - that’s the whole idea - quick cash”

“try not to annoy them too much - play for time”

“this is outrageous! You’re starting a business and getting support and sales on the back of my hostage situation! It’s all a bit Gordon Gecko if you ask me!.....if it was you I would get down there to the gates and offer an exchange, a straight swap – such a gesture will curry favour with the people – show the terrorists have compassion – and if they didn’t go for it I’d just volunteer and get in there with you – so you wouldn’t be alone”

“that’s sweet but we’d end up killing each other rather than the terrorists doing it”

“I might be a bit Oh now look what you’ve gotten us into, I told you to wear a burkkha and stay off the wine with you at first, but I’d befriend the hostage takers, formulate a plan and we’d escape eventually”

“this is exactly what I’m talking about – we aren’t escaping – you’ll fuck it up for both of us – we should just pace it out, keep our heads down and let the authorities take care of it”

“Ah come on! You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about escaping a hostage situation!”

“these are things that you think about – not other people – just you”

“look we’ll get friendly with one of the guards – he’ll show his hand – we’ll play on his good side and when he’s not looking - we’ll strike - steal his guns and make a run for it”

“No – they’ll all be dedicated to the cause – they won’t fall for idol chatter”

“we may have to use you as a honey trap….”

“No honey trap!…. Look the people on the train are looking at me”

“maybe you should whisper again”

I kept her company all the way to the door…

Spo | December 20, 2005