Dooley is back…..

March 27, 2006

When I woke I decided that If I had to put a price to how much I would pay to have the day off work and spend it in bed then I reckoned 50qiud would be about right.

After walking into the wind and rain and catching an overcrowded train with spirit crushing headache, that price rose to a cool 100.

But bed won’t get me anywhere - even though it is smashingly comfortable - and recent ructions at work mean that ringing up sounding bedraggled and battered, begging for a day off on a Monday morning would not paint shiny happy pictures of me for my boss to pin upon his fridge door - it would only etch another line upon his anguished frown in my general direction - and lordy knows the craggy old bastard has enough of those already.

To be fair to him the last two weeks have not been that bad - I can see he is making attempts to improve the atmosphere by not screaming and shouting the moment he senses opposing views and I am doing my very best impression of a meek and spindly orphan child who just wants to find a warm doorway to sleep in over Christmas - this situation will continue for a few more weeks and he’ll eventually have thawed enough to have a sensible conversation about the fact that I don’t have very much work to do and would quite like to be given something to get my teeth into - other than clock watching and trying to understand how it is possible for lunch time to seem like five minutes, yet three in the afternoon lasts for around about fifty three thousand four hundred and thirty two minutes.

Again - another worthwhile area of investigation for those pesky scientists to get their note pad and stylo out and have a gander at - rather than puzzling about buttered bread landing buttered side down and why it is people don’t like the idea of blue food.

Talking of pesky scientists I remember Beverley sent me a story that conjured recollections of two posts I wrote many moons ago - they concerned how meddling with nature ended up making Sharks into evil megalomaniacal genius’s who are even more dangerous and powerful than ever before, when all the scientists were trying to do was cure Alzheimers (the actual plot behind the Deep Blue Sea) - and how this kind of thinking always ends up creating sublime Z-movie disaster such as the Glass Trap and Frakenfish.

You see real life pesky scientists are actually planning to turn sharks into “stealth spies” capable of tracking vessels undetected - They want to control the sharks by implanting electrodes in their brains and steering them via remote control - the research is apparently being funded by the Pentagon’s Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA),

You can see it now - after a sudden increase in Shark Attacks around the beaches of a small American coastal town, hard bitten maverick local cop Chad Lowery is staring open mouthed in disbelief at protesting pesky scientist Dennis Penickity who exclaims -We never wanted this to happen! We were just trying to create super shark spies to protect America! We didn’t realise they’d turn and bite not only the hand that feeds them but any other hand in the surrounding 100km area!!

And Chad says - God damn scientists! when will you realise that if you meddle with nature - nature meddles back

(Suggestions as to whereabouts the use of the word motherfucker would be best placed in the aforementioned quote are very much welcome)