Hmmmm.... so one week to go more or less - back to the UK - it’s gone from feeling like I am swimming up from the murky depths towards taking a giant gulp of fresh air, to imagining someone has pulled the plug and I’m trying to swim against the current as all the water surrounding me disappears down the hole.


Like those rats in the Secret of Nimh.


Although they weren’t under water - they were running through the air conditioning unit of the laboratory they were escaping from - and then someone turned it on and some of the little fella’s didn’t make it.


Actually me wanting to go and then not being sure is nothing like the Secret of Nimh - scratch that - no in fact - we’ll stay with that and scratch the indecisive whining instead.


Secret of Nimh freaked me out as a child - so did Animal Farm, Plague Dogs and Watership Down - and Garbage Pail Kids trading cards - and then later on the video for Bjork’s Human Nature (although that was also due to LSD).


And that bit in Jaws 3-D where the shark comes through the observation decks window and crunches the random worker dudes leg at the end.


But those cartoon films that suddenly de-disneyed situations and made you realise sometimes the world isn’t quite such a sugar-coated-technicolor-happy-clappy-hero-pup kind of place - they must of been good fun for the parents - I mean to see the dawning realisation on your child’s face as Secret of Nimh’s rats are falling down the air-con, the plague dogs getting cut down in a hail of bullets by the authorities, General Woundwort going on the bloody rampage at the end of Watership Down and the Horse getting sent off to the Glue factory in Animal Farm - yes children - life’s not all Mickey Mouse taking Minnie out shopping - sometimes it’s about rats in medical laboratories, Rabbit’s being culled as vermin, Dogs having rabies and Horses getting turned into glue when they can’t walk anymore.

They should make more cartoons like that - they keep on about these new breed of children’s films were both parent and child may enjoy on different levels - Monsters Inc with the cuddly characters but by the way did you get the Hitchcock tribute?, same deals with Shrek, Toy Story, Madagascar, Corpse Bride etc etc - it’s for kids essentially but there’s something to nod and wink at for adults too.

Fuck off - I’m here to watch this cartoon to make the kid stop screaming in my ear - I know my fate - stop trying to be clever and get on with the songs.


Those terrible, terrible songs....I will catch you one day Tim Rice, Elton John and Phil Bloody Collins.


If they want to entertain adults they should start with cartoon’s that pull a Sixth Sense on the kiddies monkey ass - no more happy endings - they don’t just kill Bambi’s mother but they come back for Bambi too, Venison all round and Thumper gets turned into slippers - Dumbo gets butt-fucked by a rhino and then has his tusks chopped off and sold to the Ivory trade - The Aristocats get run over by street racers - Lady and the Tramp go to the pound - American tale 2: Fievel goes West and gets forced into a life of prostitution.


All dogs do not go to heaven.


You queue up with the nippers one side of the cinema - all happy and enthusiastic and expectant - meanwhile a line of tearful mourning kids come out the exit on the other side - fathers telling their spawn that life is not always a rainbow - sometimes Mickey Mouse gets caught in the trap chasing cheese and his head falls off.


Tell em how it is early in life, build em strong - Father Christmas comes down your chimney and gives you presents in the middle of the night? son, once everyone is in bed, if you find anyone in our house who you don’t recognise - you go get daddy’s shot gun and start firing, you hear me?


Ok, ok, ok - let them bask in the glorious sunshine of innocent youth a while longer - where Donald Duck happily settles down with the tormenting chipmunks who inhabit his Christmas tree - instead of calling in Rent-o-kill and laughing while they gas the fuckers.