September 23, 2006
Death by Stereo!
You know, I still haven't got around to sorting out my insurance in case of accident and emergency - in UK it's all national health, but as I work in Holland yet still on UK books, I'm technically in limbo and should get travel insurance while I'm not registered as working here - it costs about 100 quid from Boots and I've always just kept on putting it off for the next month as money has been tight of late.
To compensate, I just try and pay more attention when crossing the road or around Final Destination type situations such as ironing, cooking or getting out the shower etc. - I don't fear the reaper baby!
I's also partly because I don't actually see anything tangible for my money - I hand over 100 quid and then in 6 months time do it again - I want a certificate or an award or something - perhaps a plaque saying -congratulations you are still alive and well and living on planet earth.
The only way I get value for money is if I am horribly injured or suffering from a go to hospital type illness - it's a bit like making a bet I bet you I can avoid being horribly maimed over the next 6 months and if I'm not I give you 100 pounds - but if I am you have to look after me until I am better regardless of the cost now, if I was still in Vietnam or Indonesia, then as an insurance salesman I wouldn't like those odds there was all manner of randomly dangerous elements floating around my general existence on a daily basis over there - but in Holland? What can possibly happen to me here that I wouldn't see coming? trams? bikes?
A rather ridiculous statement I know who ever does see things coming when it comes to life threatening situations well, apart from the blindingly stupid ones - you know, the folk who look down gun barrels or jump off things without looking first - or the ones who are a bit reluctant to ever admit there is anything wrong with them and then let things fester, only visiting the doctor to do something about it when bits of them finally explode - or those who work in dangerous situations like the circus, the zoo, building sites, on or with moving vehicles - or even just drive in general - or people who put their hands on things to find out if they are hot....
Look, I'm not going to just list situations that are possibly dangerous as we could be here forever - or not, should reading this post also be a dangerous situation - but my point is that I am a non-trapezing, non-lion feeding, non-drill operating, non-driving tea taster and my every day existence isn't really very dangerous these days - apart from the steam from kettles or falling down my ridiculously narrow staircase, I exist in a relatively safe state of play in the world - even though I've had my possible Darwin award moments or that I watch a lot of CSI and Six feet under and fully understand that the random unpredictable nature of danger means you can't plan for it, I'm still fairly confident that if someone bet me 100 quid that I will be OK in 6 months time, I would end up taking their money.
End of each month I look at the money saved (not much lately) and then think Fuck it, I'll just be careful , which I know I can't keep on doing - but I'm looking at the next month ahead and thinking yeah, not actually looking that dangerous and if I start to feel ill I can just ring up and buy insurance and then go to hospital later - like when I had appendicitis there was at least half a day of feeling rotten before being rushed to the hospital - well not rushed, more slow awkward walk - but it was time enough to have bought some insurance - I know this because I've bought travel insurance before when off to Vietnam etc - it takes about 15 mins and you pay over the electronic-super-dooper-communications-highway or the phone.
And if that didn't work I'd just have to catch a quick flight back to the UK and go to hospital there.
So really all I have to look out for are those explosive out of nowhere moments that render you unconscious and then you wake up in hospital - before you have had time to buy any insurance - then you are a bit fucked - financially and physically - those are the ones I've got to look out for.
The out of control truck driven by a drunk yokel or the speeding cyclist in the blind spot - the falling down an open manhole or the I left the gas on explosion - the terrorist attack or the escaped angry panda - or a combination of those two things - bet no one would see that coming they attacked using a mass(?) of angry escaped Pandas - who'd a thunk it eh? (I do live next door to the zoo actually) and I think most of these I'm not walking away from, or waking up from - so I still lose my money.
Look, at this point I know there may be a few of you raising your eyebrows and perhaps even exasperatingly flailing their arms to the heavens and exclaiming you're a Fuckwit!!! of course you need insurance!!! - like Beverley for example - I know she is doing that right now - she knows my full history of instances of an unfortunate nature and is well aware that I am prone to disaster - but apart from burning myself on the iron a while ago I've not been doing bad lately - that's right - I've not managed to nearly kill myself for around about four or five months I'd say - definitely progress......
OK - I'm tempting fate aren't I?
I say touch some wood
you say tap yourself on the head and make the call, doofus
OK - I'll get some insurance next month - I promise - just not this month as I am going back to the UK for a couple of weeks on October 13th so I just have to be careful until then after which I'm protected by national health until the 29th and then I am back to Holland and the land of danger.
.... Actually October the 13th is a Friday.... doo nee noo noo, doo nee noo noo .....
If anyone knows the collective noun for pandas please let me know - I think perhaps maybe a "gruff?"
To compensate, I just try and pay more attention when crossing the road or around Final Destination type situations such as ironing, cooking or getting out the shower etc. - I don't fear the reaper baby!
I's also partly because I don't actually see anything tangible for my money - I hand over 100 quid and then in 6 months time do it again - I want a certificate or an award or something - perhaps a plaque saying -congratulations you are still alive and well and living on planet earth.
The only way I get value for money is if I am horribly injured or suffering from a go to hospital type illness - it's a bit like making a bet I bet you I can avoid being horribly maimed over the next 6 months and if I'm not I give you 100 pounds - but if I am you have to look after me until I am better regardless of the cost now, if I was still in Vietnam or Indonesia, then as an insurance salesman I wouldn't like those odds there was all manner of randomly dangerous elements floating around my general existence on a daily basis over there - but in Holland? What can possibly happen to me here that I wouldn't see coming? trams? bikes?
A rather ridiculous statement I know who ever does see things coming when it comes to life threatening situations well, apart from the blindingly stupid ones - you know, the folk who look down gun barrels or jump off things without looking first - or the ones who are a bit reluctant to ever admit there is anything wrong with them and then let things fester, only visiting the doctor to do something about it when bits of them finally explode - or those who work in dangerous situations like the circus, the zoo, building sites, on or with moving vehicles - or even just drive in general - or people who put their hands on things to find out if they are hot....
Look, I'm not going to just list situations that are possibly dangerous as we could be here forever - or not, should reading this post also be a dangerous situation - but my point is that I am a non-trapezing, non-lion feeding, non-drill operating, non-driving tea taster and my every day existence isn't really very dangerous these days - apart from the steam from kettles or falling down my ridiculously narrow staircase, I exist in a relatively safe state of play in the world - even though I've had my possible Darwin award moments or that I watch a lot of CSI and Six feet under and fully understand that the random unpredictable nature of danger means you can't plan for it, I'm still fairly confident that if someone bet me 100 quid that I will be OK in 6 months time, I would end up taking their money.
End of each month I look at the money saved (not much lately) and then think Fuck it, I'll just be careful , which I know I can't keep on doing - but I'm looking at the next month ahead and thinking yeah, not actually looking that dangerous and if I start to feel ill I can just ring up and buy insurance and then go to hospital later - like when I had appendicitis there was at least half a day of feeling rotten before being rushed to the hospital - well not rushed, more slow awkward walk - but it was time enough to have bought some insurance - I know this because I've bought travel insurance before when off to Vietnam etc - it takes about 15 mins and you pay over the electronic-super-dooper-communications-highway or the phone.
And if that didn't work I'd just have to catch a quick flight back to the UK and go to hospital there.
So really all I have to look out for are those explosive out of nowhere moments that render you unconscious and then you wake up in hospital - before you have had time to buy any insurance - then you are a bit fucked - financially and physically - those are the ones I've got to look out for.
The out of control truck driven by a drunk yokel or the speeding cyclist in the blind spot - the falling down an open manhole or the I left the gas on explosion - the terrorist attack or the escaped angry panda - or a combination of those two things - bet no one would see that coming they attacked using a mass(?) of angry escaped Pandas - who'd a thunk it eh? (I do live next door to the zoo actually) and I think most of these I'm not walking away from, or waking up from - so I still lose my money.
Look, at this point I know there may be a few of you raising your eyebrows and perhaps even exasperatingly flailing their arms to the heavens and exclaiming you're a Fuckwit!!! of course you need insurance!!! - like Beverley for example - I know she is doing that right now - she knows my full history of instances of an unfortunate nature and is well aware that I am prone to disaster - but apart from burning myself on the iron a while ago I've not been doing bad lately - that's right - I've not managed to nearly kill myself for around about four or five months I'd say - definitely progress......
OK - I'm tempting fate aren't I?
I say touch some wood
you say tap yourself on the head and make the call, doofus
OK - I'll get some insurance next month - I promise - just not this month as I am going back to the UK for a couple of weeks on October 13th so I just have to be careful until then after which I'm protected by national health until the 29th and then I am back to Holland and the land of danger.
.... Actually October the 13th is a Friday.... doo nee noo noo, doo nee noo noo .....
If anyone knows the collective noun for pandas please let me know - I think perhaps maybe a "gruff?"
My epitaph:
He was killed by an escaped angry gruff of pandas.
And he didn't even have insurance.
But they killed him so he didn't need it.
So he kind of beat the system.
He was killed by an escaped angry gruff of pandas.
And he didn't even have insurance.
But they killed him so he didn't need it.
So he kind of beat the system.
Spo | September 23, 2006
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