Badger Balaclava Bonanza…

February 24, 2006

Basically two teams of seven flying around on broomsticks trying to bat the ball through each others goal hoop and score 10 points per shot.

Meanwhile, one player from each side chases a flying golden blob called the snitch - once caught it’s worth 150 points and signifies the end of the game.

So the whole act of scoring goals at 10 points a time is kind of superfluous really.

Is it just me or is this the most ridiculous idea for an imaginary new sport since the dawn of time?

JK Rowling is writing in the realms of fantasy – endless possibilities – and this is the best she can come up with?

How did nobody notice Quidditch is Shit?

I mean give it five minutes thought and you could do better than that – go on – think about the idea of a whole new sport based in the realms of fantasy and what do you come up with?

I came up with Badger Balaclava Bonanza - in which two contestants are simultaneously put in separate cubed rooms that have many holes leading inwards via surrounding shoots - armed with only a backpack of chloroform infused balaclavas, they have to catch and subdue up to 20 fiercely angry badgers who have been pumped up on cocaine and fed chilli’s for 24 hours.

Once wrestled into submission, the Balaclava is placed over the snout, the unconscious badger can be dispensed with into the central badger bin - any un-balaclavad Badgers put in the bin are returned to the action immediately along with another bonus snarling striped fiend.

Contestants have to subdue all the badgers to escape - difficult as the rate of Badgers being emitted into the room increases as time goes by. Badgers will have nick names and particular styles of attack, haircuts and clothing to appeal to children and help with marketing (Ninja Badger! Cannibal Badger! Rambo Badger!)

A race against time and a race against death by angry badger savagery.

First contestant to dispense with all badgers wins 150 points.

Second place succumbs to badger overload and probable death.

And it doesn’t even require magic and is grounded in complete realistic possibility (if unlikely) - yet still infinitely better than Quidditch!

Hmmm......I have far too much time on my hands at the moment....

Spo | February 24, 2006