October 31, 2005
Terrafirma….
Greetings and salutations good people - once settled and with net related gubbins taken care of I want to:
* Show you the last Jakarta Dawn pic’s.
* Tell the tale of my last night in the big Durian as Jak is often called.
* List the many reasons the average airport and flight experience can lead you to want to commit murderous acts against people who should have to take personality tests before being given tickets.
* The first impressions of the UK and all its green, cold, wet, accent laden tom foolery.
* The weekend and pics from the gathering in Coastal Devon.
* Trying to get my head round all of life’s little and big problems regarding uprooting from one side of the world and pitching up in another where you think you will remain for the foreseeable future,
* Parents, friends, weddings.....
* Generally - the whole all round general anxiety, anticipation, apprehension and wide eyed-what-the-feck-of-have-I-gone-and-agreed-to-ness of the being back after 3 years type thing.
But at the moment it’s all about the girl
It’s all about the girl I’ve left behind.
But I kinda knew it was going to be like this I suppose
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October 27, 2005
And So It Is…..
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October 25, 2005
Shouldn’t it of been Psy-Mese?
my cat used to like toothpaste and fighting like a ninja
as much as a cat can
she was Siamese
although not a Simian
which you would think things from Siam would be referred to
if Siam existed
where was Siam exactly?
and were Siamese cats from there?
and what is the difference between “were” and “where”?
I seem to use them alternately when they feel right
I don’t remember the actual reasoning.....
I’ve said too much. pass the whisky. a toast.
I am relieved that there is no serial killer of cats in your neighbourhood.
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October 24, 2005
Taking It’s Toll….
The 80’s/70’s theme morphed into a Rolling Stones/Halloween/general gubbins people flung together with extravagant make up evening - the live band that played to a packed club full of debauchery was unbelievable - I never really listened to much of the Rolling Stones before but now I cannot think of better band for furious-raucous-loud-sing-a-long-hands-with-lighters-guitar-solo-infused mayhem – Wild Horses and what not – a bit of Hey Jude slipped in there some how – but in such situations, doesn’t it always?
The Indonesian tribute band to the Rolling Stones blew the lid off the place - doesn’t sound right does it? Indonesian tribute bands should be god awful - they usually are – mumbled English, bad tuning, over excitable guitars - but these boys were untouchable - Ronnie Wood look-alike standing atop the actual bar playing a guitar solo - looking around the place it was like something out of a Nam war movie - the bar of sin that all boys have their last night in before going off to war – band members crowd surfing, Tequila shots flowed, drinks on fire, women pole dancing in the haze of it all.... god damn it.
Muchos elseos happened over the weekend of a drinking debauchery dancing singing sex food laughter nature – I don’t think you don’t need details – in the midst of it all Yuni got drunk and emotional and bombarded me with things to think about – when’s, where’s, why’s, why nots – right there in the taxi cab in the early hours of new Monday I almost said “fuck it, lets get married and you come with me – we’ll figure it out as we go”
Almost
Saying goodbye to Jakarta is taking it’s toll on the body and soul - but only 4 more days now....
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October 21, 2005
The Kiwi was going to Kill me…
The Weekend has started early – it was one of those don’t remember jack shit evenings on Wednesday – my body trying to drive itself on despite no oil in the tank – pouring more and more vodka down my throat in the mistaken belief that this would help – really food and sleep was needed – but my judgement can be some what fuzzy in such situations.
My memory of the evening shuts off after midnight - like a video recorder that cancels while taping Cursed because it knows the film is absolute dog shit and is saving you the trouble of actually watching – my memory was obviously storing data up to a point and then decided it already knew the ending to this particular evenings tale and that all subsequent events were simply not worth keeping on file due to their erratic, foolish, noisy, nature.
I awoke to find evidence of my antics that helped piece together the story memory refused to capture:
•Horrible baked in an oven head.
•3 hours late for work.
•a call list on my mobile from people I have not spoken too for very long time – including my brother in Oz who I apparently woke at an ungodly hour to call him a “cunty biscuit” and “a shitty beagle”
•Big bump on forehead, many credit card bar bill receipts and no money
•Evidence of an unfortunate upchucking toilet incident
•Very, Very Angry girl-friend
Yuni also had to intervene to stop me getting killed by a giant Kiwi man who was twice my size, very drunk and not amused by my smart-alec-cheeky fuckwit antics – he was a monster apparently:
“he looked like he was going to tear off your head at one point – these people are dangerous”
how could anyone want to hurt me? I’m the personification of natural English fucking charm God Damn it!
“not when you’re that drunk, baby, you are just annoying and hard to control”
She said getting me home and looking after me was like looking after rampaging baby elephant.
We elected to stay in bed all day and order pizza for breakfast
Later on there were $25,000 home stereo systems to marvel at, Lebanese restaurants and 18 year old whisky with Glen in the title.
Tonight is a 70’s 80’s theme at the bar – Yuni is auctioning cocktails – I’m going as Tony Montana from Scarface
Coz apparently I dress like him anyway.
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October 19, 2005
Don’t know which way to swim…
Like those rats in the Secret of Nimh.
Although they weren’t under water - they were running through the air conditioning unit of the laboratory they were escaping from - and then someone turned it on and some of the little fella’s didn’t make it.
Actually me wanting to go and then not being sure is nothing like the Secret of Nimh - scratch that - no in fact - we’ll stay with that and scratch the indecisive whining instead.
Secret of Nimh freaked me out as a child - so did Animal Farm, Plague Dogs and Watership Down - and Garbage Pail Kids trading cards - and then later on the video for Bjork’s Human Nature (although that was also due to LSD).
And that bit in Jaws 3-D where the shark comes through the observation decks window and crunches the random worker dudes leg at the end.
But those cartoon films that suddenly de-disneyed situations and made you realise sometimes the world isn’t quite such a sugar-coated-technicolor-happy-clappy-hero-pup kind of place - they must of been good fun for the parents - I mean to see the dawning realisation on your child’s face as Secret of Nimh’s rats are falling down the air-con, the plague dogs getting cut down in a hail of bullets by the authorities, General Woundwort going on the bloody rampage at the end of Watership Down and the Horse getting sent off to the Glue factory in Animal Farm - yes children - life’s not all Mickey Mouse taking Minnie out shopping - sometimes it’s about rats in medical laboratories, Rabbit’s being culled as vermin, Dogs having rabies and Horses getting turned into glue when they can’t walk anymore. 
They should make more cartoons like that - they keep on about these new breed of children’s films were both parent and child may enjoy on different levels - Monsters Inc with the cuddly characters but by the way did you get the Hitchcock tribute?, same deals with Shrek, Toy Story, Madagascar, Corpse Bride etc etc - it’s for kids essentially but there’s something to nod and wink at for adults too. Those terrible, terrible songs....I will catch you one day Tim Rice, Elton John and Phil Bloody Collins.
If they want to entertain adults they should start with cartoon’s that pull a Sixth Sense on the kiddies monkey ass - no more happy endings - they don’t just kill Bambi’s mother but they come back for Bambi too, Venison all round and Thumper gets turned into slippers - Dumbo gets butt-fucked by a rhino and then has his tusks chopped off and sold to the Ivory trade - The Aristocats get run over by street racers - Lady and the Tramp go to the pound - American tale 2: Fievel goes West and gets forced into a life of prostitution.
All dogs do not go to heaven.
You queue up with the nippers one side of the cinema - all happy and enthusiastic and expectant - meanwhile a line of tearful mourning kids come out the exit on the other side - fathers telling their spawn that life is not always a rainbow - sometimes Mickey Mouse gets caught in the trap chasing cheese and his head falls off.
Tell em how it is early in life, build em strong - Father Christmas comes down your chimney and gives you presents in the middle of the night? son, once everyone is in bed, if you find anyone in our house who you don’t recognise - you go get daddy’s shot gun and start firing, you hear me?
Ok, ok, ok - let them bask in the glorious sunshine of innocent youth a while longer - where Donald Duck happily settles down with the tormenting chipmunks who inhabit his Christmas tree - instead of calling in Rent-o-kill and laughing while they gas the fuckers.
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October 18, 2005
Ten Random Thoughts….
- I spend too much of my working life looking for my pen.
- The importance of a day can be judged by the quality of the pants that you wear.
- Like Obi-wan, I wish that permanently wearing dressing gown and slippers could be a socially acceptable way to go about your day.
- The pain endured picking a just brewed tea bag from your cup is worth it.
- If a schizophrenic locks himself in a room is it a hostage situation?
- Straight to video Sci-Fi Action Adventure is about as far away from a guarantee of good quality as you can get.
- When in doubt, mugs make the best presents – people always use them and they always have a favourite.
- Like chicken in the morning and smoking on the toilet – pineapple on pizza is very, very wrong.
- The religious definition of Heaven is pretty vague really, isn’t it?
- Toast should be talked about with a little more respect.
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October 17, 2005
I Love It When A Plan Comes Together!…
I am very califragalistically chuffed to tell you that Operation Hanh has been a complete success - I have blagged, harried, hustled and stomped my way into persuading those that make choices on such matters to give her the job of Logistics manager in the new official Vietnam set up my companies going ahead with.But still I could see how unhappy she was and wanted to do what I could to help her - and this was the only way - and it all turned out golden.
That they are now changing the Vietnam office to an official set up, rather than working with a rep company, is a testament to what Tri and I set up there three years ago - the business has developed to a level that means this is the next step. If I leave this earth tomorrow then that office will be my mini legacy - although I suppose if I had not existed there would be less of Vietnams poisonous crap masquerading as tea in the worlds cuppa’s.
Now the office will be in good hands with my friend Duong running the show assisted by his hiring of Hanh - she’s a fine trader, knows her tea, good knowledge of logistics and has excellent contacts - her translation skills are the best I encountered in Vietnam - she is perfect for the job - I don’t know why I had to try so hard to persuade people - would of thought it was obvious - but yeah, hire someone and then a couple of months later they chip off to have a kid doesn’t look right on balance sheets at head office I guess - that kind of thinking is what runs shows all over the place - rather than the fact that secure stable jobs like these in such parts of Asia are gold dust - that you really make a difference to peoples lives with every financial decision that relates to business in countries with high levels of poverty and low social support standards - that it’s not like she will have the chance of similar elsewhere one day.
My friend and partner in crime, Tri, will not be part of the new set up - effectively Hanh’s position is possible because he chooses to leave rather than work under one of his fellow countrymen - to whom he would probably end up teaching most of what he knows rather than learn from, yet still have the lower position and wage - I agree with him in the end - although sad to see all he learned about tea will not go on to mean too much in his next job - it’s like I taught him how to be a Jedi and now he’s giving it all up for a life of dusting crops.
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October 16, 2005
“Dream Me” gets really lucky and then gets “Real Me” in trouble….
Cool!
No it was not cool – I was angry as I didn’t know who she was or where she came from or why you would do that
I didn’t – it was a dream
I know – I woke up and saw you sleeping by yourself – I was angry with you for a second and then I realised it was all ok
Well yeah – I didn’t do anything apart from sleep – it really is hard for me to stay out of your bad books if I get in trouble for things dream me does as well as real me
Don’t worry about it now – it was just a horrible dream....
Sounded pretty good to me (then I realised should not of said that last sentence out loud)
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October 15, 2005
Put in the right place…
Spo: Bugger, that means one of the two rolls of film I threw away this morning was the one we needed
But I asked you if you were sure if they were the broken ones and you said “yes”
Yeah well I was sure – as sure as I could be based on what I remember doing with all the films
Actually it’s my fault – as a woman I should of known you as a man would probably make a mistake and we should get them checked before throwing away
Erm…. Yeah it’s erm… your fault… stupid head
Go down to the bins and see if you can still find them
But…
GO!
ok
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October 14, 2005
Surely Not?
I Love Monster Munch
But God Damn It!
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October 14, 2005
You’ll get crumbs everywhere…
Spo: My I-pod is a sacred place free from evil
You don’t like Mariah Carey?
Do you know the word Banshee?
No
Well she is a Banshee
What is Banshee
Wailing noisy woman who seems to take up all the oxygen in the room
You don’t think she is attractive?
Not especially.... but I guess I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating biscuits
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October 14, 2005
Scrumptious…
Robin called from Holland to get an update on matters in general - I haven’t caused financial meltdown or shipped the wrong container to the wrong part of the world etc - then, as he was about to hang up…
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October 13, 2005
Eventually Everything….
Eventually I’m going to have to have the ”so I’m leaving on a jet plane” conversation – by then it will have been a great couple of months - I’ve begun to think that living here would be not such a bad thing as a result of the last month - although I think that also has something to do with working on my own the last 4 weeks - having the responsibility and drive to make a day of things instead of day dreaming about elsewhere other than here - that will change once Robin is back and I’m no longer the conductor of chaos.
Things were clear when we met, but I can already see she is going to be upset - it hangs in the air even now - that we will talk of ”what now?” - promises to stay in touch - that I will try to look after her financially like I did with Hanh and Debbie - that maybe one day I’ll come back here and we’ll hook up again - should she wait etc.... but I probably won’t ever come back any time soon - soon being within the next 10 years - so we’ll both sort of talk around what I think she wants and I perhaps could want - that she comes with me and we just go for it the way I could of done with Hanh - although Hanh had less chance of working than this does I think…. she’s waiting for me to talk, the same way Hanh waited and then Hanh decided it wasn’t going to happen, I wasn’t going to face it, so she went her own way….
We’re comfortable, there’s no unnecessary pressure or awkward silence - she’s cool enough without prompting - she drinks, dances and mixes and blends and yeah, it could work I guess - and if it didn’t, well there’s the trying that’s important - what is lost? - but really, in the end, it’s the kid - 6 years old, shy, apprehensive and reserved - she’s different with her mother of course - who she fiercely loves - perhaps that’s why so distant with me - I take her mother away from her and represent the same type of guy that dragged her off to Hamburg and Rio and then upset her so much after turning her life upside down - I made a conscious decision not to try and get too close here - I knew the time limit was ticking and that kids get attached - it hurts them more as they don’t understand the reasons “why” when everything must come to an end.
and a 6 year old Indonesian girl, a sweet heart with no English lingo and no friends and family other than her mother on the other side of the world… how does that work?
it doesn’t
maybe with time it might - a tutor - a year or two of turmoil .....
That I think about this scenario doesn’t mean the only reason it won’t happen is the kid - it’s that this is the reason that stands out the most I suppose - there are other things that tell me this isn’t quite the time to make a move so bold…
She is going to tell me she loves me - I can see it coming - I don’t mean to sound like I’m making arrogant assumptions here - it’s just that I don’t think you need to be told if someone loves you in order to know - I can see it coming like a faraway steam train on unchangeable tracks – the smoke above the tree’s - it’s been intense and there have been too many instances where conversations trail off, too many reminders of things I’ve said while wasted that’ve set her thinking, too many times she talks like this isn’t ending any time soon…
She got over my lack of conformity to the standard issue relationship rules and regulations:
“thou shalt call three times a day or thou does not care about me”
“thou dost not return phone call in evening, thou must be in the arms of another”
– in the end she’s comfortable with the way I go about communicating and she trusts me - she says she feels at ease - we don’t argue, but we talk when things aren’t cool.... she’d be right to expect – she’d be right to wonder – I mean what is it exactly that we’re missing here?
But as I say - more time and no kid, this coulda been something super serious I think – even with her daughter it would have been ok if I was staying – but I’m not - I’m leaving on the 27th and I won’t be coming back anytime soon - and in the end, I know she can’t come with me.
So when does it actually end up being the time? What marker do you pass? Like there is a check list and all the boxes have to be crossed before next steps are taken? - all these relationships ending because of circumstances - never anything that doesn’t work out between us, but perhaps due to something or other that never took place?
I dunno …
....anyways - make the last two weeks a good two weeks… and then when the time comes, take the hit and get on the plane I guess....
...touch down and consider who or why it is elsewhere that means I keep leaving all these places…
...and then there is a whole other conversation to have.
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October 12, 2005
Top Ten Tommy Cooper….
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - “...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...”
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
5. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet.
6. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ”Can you give me a lift?”
7. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other ”Your round.”
8. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
9. A man walked into the doctors, he said, ”I’ve hurt my arm in several places”
10. Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
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October 11, 2005
Let’s pretend you never saw me earlier……
Anyways, upon entry I was persuaded to indulge in more than a few of my resident White Russians and Jack Doubles - leaving via taxi a few hours later, I was a mildly bit battered - you see I left my car at the Kristal Hotel earlier - reason being I prefer to catch $2 taxi’s everywhere further than a stones throw - this is mainly due to the fact the average car journey in Jakarta leads you to exclaim ”Cheeky Fucker!” and ”Jesus! what Balls!” with alarming regularity whilst observing the antics of fellow drivers - it’s best to be a passenger rather than a driver - good for the heart - good for the soul - entertaining for the eye.
So, taxi dropped me at the hotel and I nodded to the door staff and security as I made my way to the basement to collect my mahoof mobile - only to find it was not in my usual spot - hmmmm.... a number of other Kijang’s dotted around the parking lot and I tried the key-shooty-alarm-thing with each in turn - not having any memory of licence plates and what not - then it hit me - I had actually parked outside near the entrance to the hotel - if, that is, you could call my rather atrocious attempt actually parking - I can’t park (I never really learned and then on the test they never really asked - it’s been that way ever since - 10 years - I’m just lucky with drive in spaces) - it was one of those efforts where you walk away looking embarrassed, hoping no one saw you.
So I’d been down in the basement for about 15 minutes shooting Kijangs and looking like a mongoloid.
When the penny dropped, I caught the lift back up to the lobby entrance and walked past the same security and door staff again - keys in hand.
They smiled as always....
....but it was a knowing smile.
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October 9, 2005
Yes I know it seems like I’m always hungover, but my girl-freind runs a bar….
I was sitting in a taxi with shitty air conditioning, trying to swat a mosquito that had already bitten me three times – once on the top of my right ear, once on the left ankle and once on the right thumb knuckle – the thumb knuckle I tell you – the audacity of fucker – right in front of my very eyes – after a while I was sure he was a highly trained assassin mosquito, sent by the gods of karma to fuck with me for laughing at a fat man who fell over yesterday.
The horn happy taxi driver was trying to swat the mozzie as well – that would normally be a problem if he was driving at the same time, but we had been sitting in a barely moving gridlocked trickle of mechanical monotony for a good 20 minutes and progress was slow - hindsight being a bitch as usual, I now wished we’d of waited for a more trustworthy blue bird cab instead - this god forsaken gibbon had taken us the long way round to bump the meter and now we were stuck as a result.
Two fire engines were also stuck - right behind us with lights flashing and sirens blaring – unlike other countries fire services whose sirens try and “mix it up a bit”, Indonesian fire engines just make a continuous high pitched squealing sound – they had been there for a while now – my taxi driver was either stone deaf or had balls of steel, as he wasn’t making any obvious attempts to cut into to the inside lane and let them move up a notch - I guess it’s a case of fuck the burning masses with traffic as bad as this.
Yuni was asleep in my lap – oblivious to the heat, the mosquitoes, the frustrating gridlock and the squealing sirens – instead of thinking how beautifully peaceful she looked, all that crossed my mind was that her head was surprisingly heavy.
We had both just come from watching the Corpse Bride – a film that I took her to see as I thought she actually wanted to watch it – I later found out she slept through the film - I had also nodded off intermittently - wishing the damn stick people would stop fucking singing so much and that the kid next to me I gave my pop corn to would stop tapping me on the arm to offer me the popcorn I had just given him – I DON’T WANT THE FUCKING POPCORN THAT IS WHY I GAVE IT TO YOU.
Incidentally the film is indeed very clever, but ultimately it is for children and not angry hot and bothered hungover people who have not had enough sleep.
Before the Corpse Bride we had once again turned up on the steps of the Intercontinental for the brunch – both of us looking decidedly dishevelled in that baked, baggy, perplexed by everything, kind of way – ‘here are those two alcoholic stop outs that take advantage of our exuberant champagne pouring nature and eat all our sushi” thought the welcoming staff.
What they thought when they found evidence in the washroom of my upchucking of the first three courses, I don’t know – we left with me feeling far from Golden muttering about wanting to be shot.
Once Yuni had been dropped at work and taxi gibbon had felt he had run the meter up sufficiently to now take me to where I wanted to go, I picked my car up from the Kristal hotel and drove back to my haven of loaf. On the way I listened to a purchased earlier in the day CD by a band named McLuskey – I noticed the disc due to fact that they called their album “The difference between me and you is that I’m not on fire” which created an image that made me laugh at the time.
I’d asked if I could listen first, but they didn’t want to open the packaging – not in the mood for arguing the point, I was swayed by the recommendation from a sassy hip looking cashier girl who had a tongue stud and a carnivorous eye - I reasoned that if I didn’t buy it, I’d disappoint her - and then the very distant % chance of us one day sleeping together would be reduced – I’m shallow like this when I’m hungover sometimes – and if I’m honest, it’s the same reasoning behind why I let women drivers out of T-junctions during heavy traffic too.
Anyways actually listening to the songs on McLuskeys album is without a doubt one of the worst things to ever happen to me – it’s cacophonic noise from the depths of hell – it’s like they have thrown a bunch of frying pans off a cliff and recorded the effect of them bouncing off the rocks for backing to a bunch of screaming drunk people – when I got home I frisbee’d the CD off the balcony – no doubt it will probably find a way to come back and haunt me.
And then I poured a glass of orange and ants found it and then I drank them by accident - no doubt they will probably find a way to come back and haunt me too.
Jakarta life is really testing my will to live at the moment – I’m gonna throw in the towel and go to bed early – no doubt it’ll prove to be the only sensible decision I’ll have made all day.
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October 7, 2005
Films you may not of seen but should - Part 2
They’re not really criminals...
The story follows the laidback, directionless Anthony (Luke Wilson) upon his release from a mental hospital following a breakdown. He joins up with his long time friend Dignan (Owen Wilson) and sad assed loser pal Bob and they embark upon a series of adventures that culminate in a rather unorthodox robbery under the guidance of the supposedly legendary Mr.Heny (an always brilliant James Cann).
Suffice to say nothing goes to plan.
Anthony – on how he ended up in a mental institute:
I first came across this film playing late night on one of the backwater cable stations – channel flicking around, this oddity stood out enough in the seconds I was flying by to keep me from flicking any further.
You get hooked in by the easy going manner of Luke Wilson’s Anthony playing off the charmingly childlike, yet slightly worryingly insane fervour of Owen Wilson’s Dignan – then the laidback narrative flow, speakeasy dialogue, the perfect soundtrack and lackadaisical humour seal the deal – this isn’t your average heist movie – it’s a Wes Anderson heist movie and nowadays - after Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums and Life Aquatic – people are more likely to know what this is – and if you don’t then “innocent friends trying to commit crime” should give you an idea.
Dignan – explaining his planned heist:
Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? - hang gliding, come on!
It’s the little things that make up life and it’s the little things that make up Bottle Rocket – the cast of supporting characters such like Applejack and Kumar (also Pagoda in Tenenbaums and Mr. Little jeans in Rushmore), the way Anthony helps Inez clean the motel rooms while conducting an attempt at romancing her, the way Bob’s asshole brother is called “Future man” and there is no reason given for this, Mr Henry’s gardening company being called the “Lawn Wranglers”, Dignan on the mini chopper wearing a bright yellow jumpsuit – there are so many touches added to the tale that tell you that this is a story written by good friends working together – every character conjured, every line added, every piece of music played – all mean something to the writers and actors.
Dignan interviewing Bob for a role in the heist:
Bob Mapplethorpe, potential get-away driver: go!
Bob: Well, I think there’s a real air of mystery about me…
Dignan: Don’t complicate it. Your number one strength is you have a car you can provide. Sell yourself! Start over. Ready, go!
Bob: Okay, alright. I’m a risk taker! I’m growin’ an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard! I think that shows…
Dignan: Wait, you’re growing an entire crop of marijuana in your back yard?
Bob: Dignan, look. I’m just not very good at this selling-yourself stuff, okay? So, I’m just gonna tell you the truth. I really wanna be a part of this team. And I’m the only one with a car.
Dignan: That’s good. That’s good. ‘Cause that hits me right here.
The Wilson’s and Anderson obviously go back a long way – this is the big screen intro for them all before going on to bigger things – it was originally a short film that the Wilson brothers, who had never acted before, ended up starring in due to the low budget. As a result Columbia pictures green lighted the big screen affair which, although it showed on only a few screens, won a lot of praise and made back it’s budget leading to more offers for the Wilson’s and Anderson - all of whom still remain close with collaborations in all of Anderson’s work so far:
Owen Wilson co-wrote/appeared in Rushmore and Tenenbaums and starred in Life Aquatic – a film that seemed much colder without his writing – Luke Wilson appears in Rushmore and stars in Tenenbaums, while his own as yet unreleased directorial/writer debut, The Wendall Baker Story, also stars Owen - furthermore that film is also co-written with Andrew Wilson – another member of the family who plays Future man in Bottle Rocket, Coach Beck in Rushmore and appears in the Tenenbaums and Zoolander (with Owen).
It’s worth noting the lack of writing credit for Owen Wilson on the Life Aquatic as this is the least enjoyable of Anderson’s films so far – his surf dude demeanour and willingness to get involved with A-list ass-trash like the Haunting & Anaconda, leads some to say there isn’t much going on up inside his head – however, with the writing/acting collaborations on Anderson’s films, his quiet considered performance in the Minus Man and the endlessly quotable comedic turns in Zoolander, Starsky and Hutch and The Wedding Crashers, he should not be dismissed so easily.
But yes the Big Bounce was a indeed a big bag of wank.
Andersons next is an animated adaptation of Roald Dahl’s “The Fantastic Mr. Fox” – his character driven films so far do indeed have a unique charm, understated direction and quality soundtrack - but without the Wilson’s comedic influence it remains to be seen if future projects will live up to the quality of Rushmore, Tenenbaums and this little seen comfy comic gem of genius.
Dignan: Who tripped the alarm, man?
Anthony: It’s the fire alarm!
Dignan: Who tripped the fire alarm?
Anthony: IT’S BECAUSE OF ALL THIS FUCKING SMOKE!
Spo | October 7, 2005 | Comments
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October 6, 2005
Operation Hanh…..
A califragalistically good thing is possibly going to happen - I may not have ended up getting together with Hanh when I left Nam last year and I may not be able to solve her current crisis with the whole arranged marriage army-colonel-having-his-baby-while-dealing-with-wicked-bitchy-sister-in-laws & -a-mother-in-law-who-is-also-very-ill thing either - but I am 75% of the way to organising a decent job with my company for her.
Before our company was not officially represented in Vietnam - we worked with an agent - now we are setting up shop good and proper and hiring a group of people - so I’m doing my level best to make sure she gets a good job with decent pay and benefits etc
Then I’ll be able to make sure she gets a passport on the basis of need for foreign travel to meet clients etc etc - you see the problem at the moment is that her current shitty company would have to approve any passport she gets (it’s a Nam thing) - and her mental case boss is super friendly with the whole arranged marriage family thing - so in the end, if she got a passport arranged-marriage-army-colonel-man would want to know “why you have passport? you want go where?”
So as well as making sure she has a career, job she loves, a fair wage and medical benefits - once she gets a passport I can safely bust her outta there if she ever needs me to.....
Bugger - as I write I find that the only thing standing in the way of this master plan is her maternity leave which may mean they need to hire someone else initially - it seems 3-4 months without her during the beginning of next year is not really possible, as this is when they set up the office - however, the tea season doesn’t really start until late May/early June and this is when she would be most needed to handle all the shipments etc - also Duong, who is setting up the office for us, is a very good friend and I hope he does me this big favour - he has always come up with the golden goods in the past.
Anyways, I’ll keep up the good fight and see if I can blag it - surely the gods of karma have got to watching over this and can shove a helpful signpost of destiny in front of the eyes of the relevant decision makers?
If only so I can imitate Hannibal from the A-team chomping on a cigar saying “I love it when a plan comes together....”
In other news last night Yuni and I went to funky Japanese restaurant lounge bar loafing haven (for future reference I learned:don’t order raw Squid or eat the little brown yellowy egg stuff) and they had a live band playing - Yuni was getting requests sent up and when she felt they weren’t doing a good enough job, she asked if she could sing instead - she then proceeded to bring the fucking house down god damn it! it was an Indonesian song, but it sounded funky and she seemed to sing it very well - the bar crowd loved it - I was as proud as a mongoose who’d outwitted a bag full of rattle snakes.
I’d write more but quite honestly I’ve had about 4 hours sleep due to the willingness of the Hyatt hotel bar to stay open into the small hours to accommodate our never ending thirst for Long Island Ice Tea’s.
Spo | October 6, 2005 | Comments
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October 5, 2005
Getting Wise In The Ways Of The Force…..
“I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other and I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff......but I’ve never seen ANYTHING to make me believe that there’s ONE all powerful force controlling EVERYTHING ……….. There’s no mystical energy field controlling my destiny”
Yeah..... but I bet Han never found himself seemingly in love with three different women at the same time, yet having to keep on changing countries just when things got interesting, leading him to think that someone or something is definitely fucking with him.....
Spo | October 5, 2005 | Comments
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October 4, 2005
Nature: Sex is Dangerous
A most dangerous mating process indeed – The female marsupial mouselives for 3 to 4 years, the males only around 11 months, why? Well, leading up to the July's 2-3 week breeding season, the male marsupial mouse’s testicles swell to ¼ of their overall body weight and this releases an inordinate amount of male testosterone into the blood stream.While this serves to give them an enormous amount of sexual appetite, it also drives them completely. The entire male population goes on a sex-crazed rampage, shagging anything mouse like and female. At the end of it all there's hardly any of the randy little buggers left.
This is because:
· Heart attacks account for quite a few - what with all that stress and worry that comes with feeling that if you aren’t shagging you are going to literally explode.
· The extra testosterone renders their immune system too weak to fight disease and illness.
· Lack of sleep and starvation: too preoccupied having sex to think about food and rest - it’s all shag, shag, shag, and shag.
· By the end of it all, more or less the entire male marsupial mouse population is stone dead – they literally shag themselves out of existence. The females breathe a sigh of relief and go about raising their new born and knitting scarves until it all kicks off again next year.
Fanfuckingtastic work, I trust you'll agree - what a way to go.
Spo | October 4, 2005 | Comments Well I just got back from the secret hideaway on the coast and have walked in to find 3 bombs have gone off in Bali, Liverpool got a bushwhacking from Chelsea and I have to figure out where this restaurant is that I’m taking the folk in the office to for huge meal before Ramadan kicks off tmw (Muslim period of fasting and general chaos - note to self: must stop calling it Ramadam-a-ding-dong) - I have postponed actual work I get paid for until after I have caught up on these matters (and writing) - so things are a bit hectic - as things always are when you return after disappearing for 3 days of sitting on a beach whilst doing feck all about anything other than things that make you smile.
Spo | October 3, 2005 | Comments
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October 3, 2005
Be Like Bruce Lee going WAAAAHHHH!!!!….
So don’t know much about much at the moment, but wanted to stop by and tell you about this fecked up dream I had first of all - I found a saved unsent text msg in my phone on Sunday afternoon and then remembered typing it after waking from rather extraordinary dream-tom-foolery during Saturday nights sleepathon - you see if I can still remember them, I normally scribble down dreams on a piece of paper when I wake, but in this case I only had my mobile close to hand - these vessels of story telling shipwreck on the rocks of reality when you return to the land of the living - you only have so much time to note down vital pieces of the tall-tale before it all sinks below the surface - if you’re not quick, it’s gone forever.
Ex-wife angry - Ninja children - battered car in the drive - I used a broom handle
..and then when I saw this I had a hazy flashback to some sort of Kill Bill Scenario and I had been surprised at home by my angry Ex-wife and her/mine(?) Ninja children - they had done a number on my car leaving it all battered up in the drive - and I remember going to the kitchen and getting tooled up by braking off the brush end of a broom and then coming out into the garden brandishing the pole to take them all on while giving a Bruce Lee style ”Waaaahhhh!” war cry.
I don’t know what happened after that - they probably kicked my ass and I woke up.
I don’t have an ex-wife nor can I remember who she was in the dream, I don’t have any children (although when I do I would like them to be Ninja’s - but then I think that is the hope of any potential parent) and I don’t have a car.
I also have no knowledge of martial arts - I do like Ninja’s however - there’s always been something cool about them - stealthy little buggers.
The only thing that could of inspired this dream is that Yuni used to be a Tae-Kwondo expert (she retired at 19) and she dropped the “So Smiley, what would you say if I was pregnant?” conversation into the mix while we where sitting by the sea earlier in the day - I was about to answer using sounds to make words, but it seemed my petrified look of open mouthed horror had answered for me.
It turns out that a few expected proverbial boats were supposed sail at this time of the month yet had failed to dock at port - during the recent week, when Yuni was not sure if they were going to make an appearance or not, she had considered the prospect of a possible mini-spo in the making - however, although a week late, ships are now fortunately sailing again - so there is no need for a ”down all tools and reorganise my whole life in general” shin-dig.
I assured her that IF any such thing should happen then we’d figure it out and I wouldn’t run away from my responsibilities.....
...as if I did she may come looking for me with her army of ninja children.
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